i'm trying real hard everyday not to lose my temper.
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snoteggs:

i-have-heart:

heytinafey:

personallyundead:

Recess Opening Scene remake // ALL THE AWARDS!

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MY WHOLE LIFE

THIS IS BEAUTIFULLLL

omg this makes me so happy

(Source: cinemakills)

butt-towne-usa:

swalloween:

“what’s for dinner” 

“food”

“what do you want for dinner”

“food”

big boob problems

destiniyang:

  • You can’t wear button ups because the two buttons above and below your boobs opens up.
  • Halter tops pushes your boobs downwards and makes it look like you have saggy tits
  • crop tops make you look fat
  • sleeping on your stomach is so painful it feels like they are going to pop
  • running= no

(Source: hentaiiqueen)

majortvjunkie:

I don’t remember this part

panicsatdiscos:

realitybl0ws:

1. grow up and have children
2. hide babies all around the house
3. when my kid asks “where do babies come from?” respond with “where DON’T babies come from” and pull one out of a cabinet

example number 24876 why tumblr users shouldn’t have children

Me & My Dad telling My Step Mom I'm Gay
How To Make Love

intoxicateddreams-:

violetsunnyklaus:

About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.

Love, Dad.

^This man, deserves an award lol

(Source: slambien)

hiddle-stoned:

life-more-abundantly:

denyselfandfollowchrist:

spadeoface:

he looks like one of the italian people pushing one of those boats



#DEAD

You don’t even understand, there are actual tears.

kelfag:

hellfirehotchkiss:

thebinarybinary:

i dont know what i was expecting but this is so much better

This is the best thing on the Internet.

(Source: sslinks)